marcoalexismaria

I’ve been having a really difficult time in my life at this point. I’ve been feeling more and more detached from a lot of people I used to look up to.

As stupid as it sounds, it’s hip-hop for me. Tyler the Creator’s music doesn’t connect with me anymore since “Call Me If You Get Lost” and maybe it's because I’m overall in a different position, but I just don’t feel the connection anymore with most of these artists.

Travis Scott feels unmotivated and uninspired.
A$AP Rocky feels too old to rap.
Playboi Carti feels too mainstream and too polished.

Surprisingly, I am happy with my Kid Cudis, my Tame Impalas, and my James Blakes. They still feel raw, even with Kid Cudi’s “horrible” attempts at going mainstream, I can still see that try and vulnerability to grow.

I pray that I am able to work with him one day and hopefully put them all in a room to grow.

I pray that I never reach that place of complacency and always look for the roots.

As much as people hate Kanye, I love that YE can come and make a song like "COUSINS" and it still feels raw. Yeah maybe some of his new songs aren’t for everyone, but somehow, through the fire, through all that pain and fame… someone is able to come out and say “I have these issues that I haven’t shared with the world”.

I want to find that constant battle of pain and pushing through to find growth.

In four months, it will be the anniversary of TAPED. A project that I am still living through constantly in my head. It was something that was needed for me to release as my first to remind myself why I make music. From my loved ones being featured to the whole production and struggle.

My biggest goal in music is to share my pain and hope that others can relate and not feel alone.

Because honestly, after some situations I go through in life…
I want to find the nearest gun and not feel this pain.

It might sound dark but I truly believe we all feel that amount of pain at some point and sadly some feel that more commonly than others.

I pray that with anything I make, that gun gets further and further to think of, not just for me but for everyone.

So what am I really battling is myself.

I fear that if I tell people how I feel stressed, they’ll think I’m selfish for making it about me.

And truthfully, I normally make things about me all the time…
look at where I plan on posting this.

But I hope this honesty opens a conversation for the future.

I don’t wish to hear what negative things someone else is doing on the internet.

I wish to hear what my friends are battling on a daily basis.
I wish to further my relationships and learn to listen.

Cause I can tell everyone is going through something, and that’s another reason I don’t talk about my problems — because I know people have their own bullshit.